Post-Thanksgiving Hangovers: Family, Regrets, & Hope for the Next Holiday Season

 

What is life truly like for a therapist after the Thanksgiving holiday? In my practice the overwhelming majority of clients are tearful and feeling the weight of the emotional challenges they encountered. I always explain that families are an intricate system, and that we each have a role to play. We know that we are doing holidays right when we are able to observe all the players, without allowing the dysfunction to truly permeate our system.

Now that we are about a week or so past Thanksgiving, and a few weeks before Christmas, spend some time determining which family members are where on the chess board. Bring those who are a positive influence in your life closer to you, and allow others to shift away from your focus.

By remembering that family is a system, it not only aligns closely with accepted mental health doctrine in regard to how families are formed, but you are allowing yourself to step out of what a Thanksgiving "should" be, and instead stepping into what Thanksgiving truly is.

With time, patience, and practice, your family system can become tolerable, and even enjoyable. With all the relationships in our lives, having healthy boundaries and healthy expectations in alignment with your values is vital. These concepts should hold true with members of your family as well. 

Remember, boundaries and expectations are not punishment. Boundaries and expectations allow for healthy, well defined relationships that don't cross lines and cause discomfort. Here are some helpful phrases to try:

"Thanks for asking! Let's skip that topic for the holiday. We can catch up on that later"

"This Christmas is all about celebration. Let's keep those tough topics until after the fun is over"

"Thanks for checking in about that.. It's feeling a little bit personal, so let's skip that topic for now"

"My kids don't eat that much dessert. I appreciate you thinking about them, but we are being extra healthy this year."

"I know politics is a tough one right now. Let's focus on the fun."

As you can see, setting boundaries with family can be kept light, and doesn't need to cause conflict.

Best of luck as you create your holiday traditions.

The information provided in this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy. If you have an emergency, please dial 911 or 988 to reach the National Suicide Hotline.